⌛ you know ur in dumaguete if...

you know your in dmgte if;

• Foreigner translates: Overweight white guy 60+ years drinking beer.

• Foreigner translates: rich guy to give me money if I have sex with him, date him, marry him, or chat online with him.

• Foreigner translates: white rude guy who thinks he is smarter than me, but I have his money, controling interest in "our" house, or more relatives than him living next door.

 

you know your in duma if:
You go to the airplane ticketing office and they tell you that you can only buy their airline tickets on the internet.

 

You know you are in duma if:
after you finish you ask for a check/bill and it takes 3 seconds. You give them the money and wait 3 hours for your change!

 

You know you are in duma if:
You come to the realization that your new name is 'Hey Joe!'

 

you know you are in Duma if:
the waiter/waitress pretends that they have an excellent memory and decides at your expense to not write down anyones' meal order!

 

you know you are in Duma if:
you step in sh*t and it is "Good Lock".

 

You know that you are in Dam. or the surrounding area if:

Elbowing and clutching your way onto the bus is considered an art form. But if you complain about said treatment, well, that is considered just plain rude!

There is no official pro-sports team, only the right-wight death squad.

A 5 o'clock shadow is the layer of grime from pedicab exhausts.

Dogs adhere the most closely to traffic laws.

You can pass into oncoming traffic, provided your vehicle is too big to otherwise reasonably attempt such a pass.

Pollution control is the torching of a diesel bus by rebels.

Lunch hour is actually two hours.

The words "friendly" and "nosey" are interchangable, as are "loan" and "gift".

Poverty and hunger are acceptable, sex tapes are not.

A 65p restaurant meal consists of a spoonful of milled rice, a 3oz pork chop that is mainly fat, and a coke so carbonated it will strip the enamel clean off your teeth.

The young ladies at the internet cafe give you a big smile and stare, while at the same time trolling online for other marks.

You mention politely to the shop owner that something is wrong. In return she attacks your personal appearance.

Everyone but the street beggars has a cell phone.

You pay a small service charge to retrieve your stolen cell phone.

The army texts the rebels of their position, so as to avoid clashing.

The only efficient tax collection is performed by the rebel army.

You are only allowed to criticize the President.

Someone got drunk and hacked off the limb of his close relative.

The unsolved killings all involve so-called drug personalities shot with the same caliber guns as the police carry.

Ineptly producted counterfit goods are proudly marketed in the aisle fronts of the city's biggest department store.

A corny Filipino joke on an American TV comedy is of bigger concern to the natives than anything happening here.

Two small scoops of icecream is the equivalent of 1/2 a days wage.

The only real change is the amount of money coming from abroad and the resultant size of stomachs, houses, smuggled vehicles, and egos.

 

if people are sitting on the highway at night...

 

I like the hour lunch is a two hour affair! Filipinos are definitely smarter in some respects than Americans!

 

you know youre in NEGROS if:

-> you've got the best beer. SMB of course! it's made from spring water in Bacolod SMB plant.

-> world class dive sites are just in your backdoor. you can get diving lessons anytime you want with professional divers.

-> soccer is the sport here. not basketball (compared to the rest of the philippines)

-> you eat fresh seafood... FISH, OYSTER etc. its all fresh. not frozen. burrrr.

-> for only 65pesos, you can have the best 'chicken inasal' for lunch. only at JO'S chicken along silliman avenue.